Truth: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT SOMEONE ABUSED YOU! (Forgive me for writing in caps. I need to make an emphatic statement.)

I’m sorry that you experienced abuse. I understand your thoughts and pain because of my own experience.

Abuse is never the victims fault. One is not responsible for the actions of others. Abuse is an evil choice of the abuser. It is wrong. There is a root cause why the abuser does it but that is no excuse for the abuse. Abuse is another one of Satan’s tasks. He wants to kill, steal and destroy God’s creation.

Abuse starts the shame cycle. Dr. Curt Thompson, MD in his wonderful book called The Soul of Shame says {shame}”is a weapon that evil uses to corrupt our relationships with God and each other and disintegrates any and all gifts of vocational vision and creativity.” (Thompson 2015, pp. 13) Thompson says it’s more than a feeling an “undercurrent of sensed emotion”. If put into words shame makes us say “I am not enough, I am bad, or I don’t matter.” (Thompson 2015, pp. 24)

Shame is not always words it can be perceived in body language, emotions and actions. Shame can make one feel that they are “powerless to change one’s circumstance or condition.” (Thompson 2015, pp. 24) Shame falsely accuses. Doesn’t that sound familiar? Shame is not a good feeling. And every one has felt/ perceived shame in their lives.

Shame can be combated! Through telling your story to other caring individuals, being vulnerable (which we are), connecting with other survivors, being in relationship with others, therapy and counseling. Shame doesn’t like when we recognize our need to be in relationship with others and Jesus. There is power in healthy relationships with others who see you, hear you and know you.

Abuse can also cause trauma. Trauma is a wound of the heart and mind. Trauma can cause feelings of hopeless and helplessness. Trauma can be healed through trauma healing groups, telling our stories to others, being in healthy relationship and trauma therapy/counseling.

Hebrews 12:2 “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus scorned shame. He became vulnerable by taking our punishment for our sins. Being humiliated by dying on the cross. The joy set before Him is you! Thank you Jesus.

I don’t take abuse and trauma lightly. I didn’t even hit the tip of the iceberg with this post. It is a very complex issue that affects every one’s lives - whether they admit it or not. I wrote this post because it needs to be addressed. It is the secret that every one knows. Every family has a sexual, emotional-mental, spiritual and/or physical abuser in them. Abuse is one of the reason’s why there is so much chaos in the world. Abuse is a type of oppression. And God hates oppression. I hate it, too. It’s time to shine the light on abuse and its ramifications. Let’s end the generational sin of abuse.

If you are or were abused and haven’t got help, please talk to a trusting friend, counselor, teacher, law enforcement officer, pastor, parent and etc or me. I underline trusting because not everyone of the examples I listed is a trusting source. (Keeping it real.) A trusted person is someone who will validate your feelings, not cross your boundaries, won’t make you be quiet about the abuse, won’t cause you more shame or guilt and will support you in healthy ways.

Get the help you need from a licensed therapist or counselor. There are trauma healing groups from the Trauma Healing Institute (I’m a facilitator), Confessional Communities created by Dr. Curt Thompson or create your own talking circle. Healing takes time. I pray you start on the path to healing.

You are a survivor. You are enough. You matter.

Love you

Thompson, C. (2015). The Soul of Shame. InterVarsity Press. pg